i don't do it enough

I don't like the fact that I take such long breaks in between my blog posts... this needs to change.
Anyways... time to actually share some art this time!
Here is a current WIP I'm working on. Simple portrait of a male, just trying to study the face more. He kinda looks like Jiro to me... so who knows, I may play around with that.
I went to MCA for 2 weeks for a pre-college thing and this evil professor told me I don't "draw enough self-portraits" and that my work looks like it comes from a "magazine." Which to me is translating to anime. Which actually insults me, haha. That's not what I'm aiming for... I want to be a realistic artist. I honestly don't think of my stuff as anime... but whatever. She's biased and has never liked my work for the 3 years that I've known her. So it's straight!!

I'm so busy... college starts soon... I'm ready but at the same time... I want to be a kid forever, haha.
Well, I hope to finish this, soon.

One last thing... I want to change my dA name. I was thinking Mary-Tuttle or something like that... I want to be known for my real name. Not some made up name!! I'm still thinking about it, though.
I wish people would commission me. It sucks that they don't... if only I was more popular. But I've been waiting since 2005 for that to happen...

Peace... outside!

i'm continually changing

Well it's been a long time since my last update... August 9th.
SO much has changed since then. I've pretty much gone through my whole senior year, haha.
I'm mad at myself for not updating this. But that is one thing that will change.

I'd rather this blog be mostly about art but it will have its occasional rant here and there.
I don't have any new new art to show so I thought I'd post a little rant on life. :)

It's so frustrating when you come across a bump in the road and you can't seem to get passed it. And I'm not talking literally.
Why is that one day I'm okay and the next day I'm not? Why is it that the problem I have is not fixing itself? Why is that time feels like it's making it worse and not healing?
Why is it that no one can say anything to help me?
I don't know what to do anymore. I just keep getting up in the morning and continue living my life. Acting like everything is okay, distracting myself to forget for awhile... it doesn't really work. Not really. Because when I go back to being alone it all comes flooding back and I find myself asking the very same questions posted above.
In 1 week will things be different? In 2 weeks will things be different? In a month? In a couple of months? A year? 2 years? I honestly don't know at this point. I mean, I hope things will be different. But a lot of people hope for things. That really doesn't mean anything...
I don't believe in wishing. Wishing is stupid and only hurts you even more. It gets you nowhere. You don't need to wish for anything. If you want something, you have to go after it.
If it's unattainable then there's a reason why. There's some things in life you can't have. I know that but, at the same time... it just makes me want it more.
My brain has given up but my heart hasn't. I don't know what is coming in the future. I don't know how I'm going to react. All I know is I'll just continue living out this cycle and try my best to keep that painted smile on. Until something happens and I can find that feeling again.

Ok! Sorry for the emo post. But I had to get it out. I hope to post some more art soon.
I don't have a lot of time for art at the moment. But once I'm done with school I definitely will.

Peace out, guys!